


Damn It Man, I'm...

by musicmillennia



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, honestly this is just for pure fun, space is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24066535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicmillennia/pseuds/musicmillennia
Summary: Sometimes red alerts don't give you time to get into uniform.Leonard McCoy may or may not have some. Interesting sleepwear.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92





	Damn It Man, I'm...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [prouvairablehulk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouvairablehulk/gifts).



> this is what happens when me and prouves talk shop
> 
> I hope you like the twist I made on the shirt.

There's an incessant ringing, so loud Jim can't hear himself groaning. There's something he's missing, but a slow look around the recovering bridge accounts for everyone. He tries to breathe and center himself.

Gradually, the ringing dissipates enough for—

"Damn it, Jim!"

Ah. There it is.

Bones snaps into his vision. "Finally gettin' my beauty sleep and your dumb ass decides to go headfirst into a damn squadron!"

"Doctor." Spock appears on Jim's other side, brows furrowed at Bones. "The Klingon ships ambushed us. The Captain—"

"Don't start, Spock!" Bones' voice has all the heat. His hands are gentle on Jim's face. "Definitely got a concussion. Hang on."

He straightens to reach behind him. That's when Jim sees it.

Bones snaps back around as Jim bursts into high-pitched laughter. He bares his teeth. "God help us, he's delirious!"

Jim tries to speak. When that fails, he tries pointing, but he just ends up flailing. Spock and Bones keep him from rolling around.

"I do not think so, Doctor," Spock says.

"Oh yeah? Whaddayah call this?"

"I believe the Captain is looking at your apparel. It is—unexpected of you."

"My wh—" Bones looks down.

His face flushes red.

"Oh, _fucking hell_."

The rest of the bridge loses it. Sulu nearly falls next to Jim. Spock's lips are pursed just a bit too much toward the center, his version of doubling over.

"Yeah, yeah," Bones gripes, sitting on his heels, "Laugh it up. See if I treat any of your sorry asses."

Jim's flailing finally catches onto Bones' shirt—no, Bones' _crop-top_. A science blue crop-top that reads in big sparkly letters, _MOVE, I'M GAY!_

It's even better when Bones stands, and Jim can see he's wearing—

"No! _No_ _-o-o_!" he cries, because he can't take this, he _can't take this_ —

"Shut up!" Bones shouts. He jams his finger on the captain's chair. "Bridge to Sickbay!" With a particularly vengeful look at Jim, "I need some hypos."

And so Christine Chapel hurries from the turbolift to find her boss in a crop-top and black booty shorts, standing in the middle of a sobbing mess of laughing officers and a green-faced Vulcan.

"Not. One. Word," McCoy snarls.

Chapel offers the hypos. "On what, sir?"

"Exactly."

"I mean," she says, canting her words in a way that has McCoy narrowing his eyes, "at least it's not the one that says [_Contents Extremely Hot_](https://poshmark.com/listing/90s-Vintage-Crop-Top-Caution-Funny-Graphic-Retro-56f6e8165a49d0662700a102)."

Jim _screeches_.


End file.
